Indira Gandhi was murdered by people who disagreed with her; Aung San Suu Kyi was imprisoned for over 20 years for opposing her government in Burma; Harriet Tubman risked her life rescuing slaves after she herself had been freed, Rosa Parks stood up to ignorant men and refused to give her seat for a white person. Ms. Parks actions became an important symbol of the modern Civil Rights Movement. For Mrs. Clinton to compare a 30 year old, who by the standards of the world, wealthy, health and quite capable to care for herself to these great women is an insult to women's causes and women in general. And for feminists to be silent about this issue is sick. Ms. Fluke will graduate from Georgetown University and will have no problem getting a lucrative position most anywhere she desires. For Ms. Fluke to complain and campaign about not getting her birth control paid for is a sad waste of her time and intelligence. Whether or not you agree with the Catholic Church's beliefs on contraception is beside the point. I do not, but I also don't think they should be forced to go against their doctrinal beliefs. Just as I do not believe that Muslim organizations should be forced by governmental policies to provide pork at their cafeteria just because I would like a tenderloin. Lastly, for Mrs. Clinton to imply that those who disagree are "extremists targeting the poor Ms. Fluke" is simply wrong. We have better things to focus on Mrs. Clinton.

Don't Abdicate

By Verna Christopher

A couple of years ago I was on the stair climber at the YMCA when I struck up a conversation with a young mom. We got to talking about our kids, when she started to get animated about how “they” want him to go on Ritalin. After a couple of more references to “they” I asked her who “they” was. She was hesitant, and then answered…you know, the school. I guess I did know who she was talking about, but I really wanted her to think about what she was saying. And then just last night….a similar conversation began. It was at my home at a party I was having for some of my friends. The conversation was a typical one for moms in there 40’s. Children growing up and the choices they make. How we can deal with them and so on. One of my good friends, whose daughter is also a good friend of my daughter, began telling of an incident at the doctor’s office that week. She was quite upset when she took her 17 year old daughter to have her physical. My friend was asked to stay behind, while they went over the questionnaire and ensuing insurance information. When she questioned this, with tears in her eyes, she was told there were HIPAA laws that the office had to follow. Intermingled with all of this was a small reference to a waiver her daughter (and anyone’s daughter) could sign to allow her mother to join her in the exam room. So, you may be saying what right is it of the mother to impose herself on her daughter? I would answer, who is paying for the services? Who has spent the majority of her life focused on her daughters well being? Who has the best interest in and for her daughter? Who is going to give the most time and energy out of her life if, God forbid, her daughter is or does get pregnant or an STD? Do you not think this young well adjusted child would want her mother there while she is in such a vulnerable situation? And even if she says she doesn’t….SHE IS ONLY 17!!!! Why is it that we have somehow, abdicated this huge part of our lives to doctors and our government? What happened? So, that is my point. Stop abdicating. Stop giving up the responsibility of raising our children to “them.” Work hard at parenting. It is easy to become a parent, but very difficult to be a good one. In reference to the young mom at the YMCA, I have a daughter and she had an IEP (Individual Education Plan) most of her public school career. She had a very difficult time reading, which of course slowed her learning down, significantly. We were told many times that maybe oral stimulants (methamphetamines) may help her and that we should go get her “evaluated.” Let me step back a bit. When IEP meetings were scheduled, my husband and I (the parents of the child in which the IEP was being written) put together a meeting outline prior to the meeting and made copies for all of those who were scheduled to attend the meeting. Put this into perspective. The very influential public school advisers, along with the AEA, other staff members, and then me and John were to attend the meeting. Do you think that most parents would have the wherewithal to state their personal parental choice for their child if all of these educated, smart, seemingly caring people were pushing to another decision? But, I regress, back to the outline. You can’t imagine the startled looks the first few meeting we attended. It really took the administrator and others by surprise. Some of those in attendance appreciated the input and control we were taking. But, it was obvious that some were put off. How dare we try to make the decisions for our daughter? Didn’t we know they were the professionals? This may seem a big leap, but think a bout this. How is it that Stalin, Jong-il, Hitler, Lenin, Mussolini, Mau, Che, Chavez, Castro….and many more dictators got so powerful? According to Shanna Freeman, in an article she wrote called “How Dictators Work”, she states “Many of these dictators foster cults of personality, a form of hero worship in which the masses are fed propaganda declaring their leader to be flawless.” What is your opinion of State and Federal government and the organizations that they run, ie public schools, big labor, IRS, the list goes on? Even if you wouldn’t say they are “flawless,” do you realize they try to influence the masses by forms of propaganda? If these government entities don’t have followers/tax payers they cease to exist. You may be saying, well what about big business and the advertising they use as propaganda? It’s true, business use advertising as propaganda. The difference is society have choices when it comes to business and product in the private sector. Don’t buy it! Don’t go there! Don’t watch it! What choice does government offer us in education, taxes, retirement funding and even defense? We are abdicating our responsibility to State and Federal governments and not even thinking twice about it. This is where the grass root of dictatorship begins. Please bear with me as I finish up my story about the mom at the YMCA and my friend on the porch. I reminded her that she was the parent. And if she didn’t want to put her child on Ritalin, she didn’t have to. She looked surprised. “But, what about ‘them,” She said. “So what about them; you are the parent.” I’m not a big advocate against using medication in regard to children, but it has to be the parents that make that decision even if they are not as educated or as smart as the professionals. If the school and teacher can’t deal with the child with attention issues then the parents should have other choices in this regard. Sadly, they don’t. But that doesn’t mean we give up our responsibilities of being a parent. As for my friend and the doctor visit; when I took my daughters to their appointments, the office staff handed me and my daughter a piece of paper and asked her to sign it, telling us it would allow me to come in the exam room with her and that if needed I could call and talk to the doctor about her health care. Who better than me to help out? I love my daughters and only want the best for them. I’m not a busybody calling the doctor every week to find out whether or not my girls have come in to see her/him. But, I have called to order antibiotics, get help when they haven’t felt well at college/school and other normal mom stuff. By not abdicating means we are totally responsible and let me tell you its hard work. We never gave into the idea of sending our daughter into special Ed. classes. We never put her on amphetamines. We spent tons of time with her helping with homework. Evenings were not relaxing. Our other daughters didn’t get as much of our time, as they deserved. And most of all we have the contentment of knowing we did what was right.

Change is Coming

Ok, I realized this last month that I am well on my way to an empty nest. I have launched my second daughter into higher education, leaving me with one at home. Let me tell you; it comes like a bat out of hell, like greased lightening, like a blue streak. I don’t like it. Don’t get me wrong. My beautiful, lovely, independent, daughter’s are prepared and ready to fly. It is me who is having a hard time with it all.

Growing up in the 70’s in a “working family,” I fully understood my parent’s expectation of me. Get a job; get married. The idea of going to college was a somewhere-out-there concept that was for other people, not me. The high school I attended was one of the largest high school campuses in the U.S., Plymouth/Canton High School in Michigan. At the time, the campus housed two High Schools; Salem and Canton. It now has built a third building and boasts to be the second largest high school campus in the States.

I did not thrive in this environment and did not have the academic ground work or ambition to pursue anything more than what was expected of me. I’m not having a pity-party. I did exactly what I wanted. I got married and had a family. Like most little girls I dreamed of the day when I would have children. I chose names for them; I imagined what they would look like and how they would act. Just like me, only better, I was sure. I saw families together and romanticized about what my little family would look like and what kind of mother I would be.

So, naturally when that day came, I put my whole heart into this little life. There was no turning back. She was going to get all of me. She became my ambition, my full time job. I have never regretted it. Obviously, when two more children were added to the equation, priorities changed and life got a bit more hectic and routine. But, I still wanted my girls to know that their lives were going to be better than mine and that the reason I was putting so much of my focus into their lives was because I had higher expectations of them than my parents had of me. I couldn’t parent any other way. This isn’t to say that everyone has to mother the way I have; I just couldn’t have done it any other way and be content.

I tried working full-time when the girls were little, once. It was a disaster. Life lesson # 1; don’t let parenting experts or society's expectations dictate what you ought to do. It was important for me to accept the fact that I wanted to stay home, and not feel the pressure to “do it all.” In the end I came to realize that I really didn’t have it in me to do it all, and I really didn’t want to, and that was alright.

As the girls got older and started developing interests of their own, my husband and I became busy with attending dance recitals, PTA meetings, helping with school carnivals, fundraising and athletic events. Really, this is just a very short list of activities and events I have poured my heart into over the years…really. I know this isn’t novel. Most parents engage in their children’s lives this way. The point is this; it takes time out of your life to raise happy, healthy, ambitions and responsible children.

This is what I tell my daughters. I tell them that my hope for them is by the time the are 25 they are spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially healthy. This doesn’t mean they have to be out of debt, fully self-actualized, and never needing anything, it just means by giving them “permission” to take time now to figure out life, provides them with the ground work they need for a successful future.

So, back to my dilemma. I am well on my way to an empty nest. I’m trying to embrace this thought. I think my husband has embraced, grabbed, pulled, clutched, seized….and ran with the idea already. I am lagging behind. What am I going to do with my time? No more vocal concerts and recitals. Jessica, my oldest, with her beautiful voice has been providing this activity for years. Even up through her freshman year in college we were attending concerts at the University of Northern Iowa to see her sing. And, Isabelle has followed her big sister, into choir and high school musicals. For 15 years I have been attending some sort of athletic event. Anna played soccer for 13 years, volleyball for 6 and ran track for 2. Isabelle, too, has kept the volleyball bug alive in our home, as well as playing varsity tennis. So, I ask again, what am I going to do? Believe it or not I began working full-time this year, so that will take up some of my empty nest time. I just read in the paper about a crochet class that is being held at the Centre for Arts and Artists. Maybe I’ll try that. If you have other ideas please let me know because my husband and daughter are beginning to get annoyed at me. I’ve even lowered myself to bribing Isabelle with a new suped-up apartment in the basement if she promises to stay and live at home. Not surprisingly she has refused.

Verna Christopher

verna@pcpartner.net

The core values and principles of the 9/12 Project

The Nine Principles
1. America is good.
2. I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life.
3. I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday.
4. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government.
5. If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.
6. I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results.
7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable.
8. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion.
9. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me.

The Twelve Values
1-Honesty
2-Reverence
3-Hope
4-Thrift
5-Humility
6-Charity
7-Sincerity 8-Moderation
9-Hard Work
10-Courage
11-Personal Responsibility
12-Gratitude

9/12 Project

Glenn Beck has been featuring mom's on his show the last week. Women from all walks of life, who consider being a mom the most important job they have. They are concerned with their children's future (as am I). These women have blogs, websites and are organizing for the 9/12 Project and local Tea Parties. Let's help out! Follow these links for more info....

http://www.the912project.com/

http://asamom.ning.com/

With the economy in such a mess, I thought a little factual information might be nice. The rich aren't all greedy.

Busy Week

Just a quick hello to my blog and the 3 people that have looked at it. This has been a busy week. We did get exciting news; Jessica received confirmation that she has been accepted to university in England to study abroad next semester... that was pretty exciting, although we were confident that she would be able to go. Isabelle had a choir concert Tuesday night and Anna has babysat three days after school. More on Sunday, after weekend activities.

Warmly,
Verna

Sunday

Most Sunday's we are all home for most of the day (except for Jessica :( ). But we talk to her. I teach SS. We usually go to church and then we hang around regrouping for the coming week. The girls do homework; John takes Anna out for breakfast/lunch/supper. Whatever they agree on. He did this with Jessica her senior year. This "date" is something John thought of when Jessica was a senior. It reveals John's great character and love for his daughters. He is a great dad. Also, on Sunday's we take time to catch up on the news, by watching Fox News and sometimes 60 minutes. We've made it a sometime tradition to watch a movie with the girls. I say sometime because it doesn't always work, but tonight we are going to watch Get Smart. Then, Isabelle and I like to watch "The Amazing Race." I think we fantasize about going on the race someday and winning. Oh, by the way, Quantum of Solace was great!!!!! And, I ran my 5k in 37 minutes. Not bad.

Happy Sunday,

Verna

Cardnial 5K Fun Run

Hey, t oday I am running a 5k. It is a fundraiser for children with cancer. The HS DECA group is sponsoring it and Anna is running in it, too. Here is the map. You may have to copy and paste into browser.

http://www.mapmyrun.com/run/united-states/ia/newton/668898623126


VERNA

Friday

It's Friday and I'm smiling. It seems like Friday's are a day that we all exhale. The first words out of my 18 year old this morning were, "I need a break." Well the break is here (except for my very hard working husband; he won't be home until early tomorrow morning because of an install).
Quantum of Solace! We are going to see it tomorrow night, as long as the install goes well.
Family; we are all interconnected (is that a word?). No man/woman is an island. The choices and actions of one family member affects the others. So, I guess we wait and hope the install goes well, so we can go on a date. Have a good day. And, remember...you need a break!

Godspeed,
Verna

I just commented on my sister-in-laws blog that I'm not good with journals and notebooks and stuff like that. Then I remembered I had started this "blog" a while ago. Well, awhile ago is 3 years ago. I couldn't believe when I found it! So, again I start my journal. Maybe I'll keep up a little better.


Verna

today

Just a note to start my blog...wow! Who would have thought 30 years ago...during the 70's when I was growing up, that I (or anyone for that matter) would be able in one "click" reach thousands of people with my words. My mother used to tell me to "shut my mouth" in the nicest way possible, because I wouldn't stop talking. Well look at me now. I laugh just to think of it. I finally have an outlet for my incessant talking...and no one can tell me to "shut it" now. Thank you technology. Anyway, please post any thougths you have on Family, motherhood, girlfriends, interests, travel...the list goes on. Remember mom's out there. Our life is not our own, but enjoy it anyway.
Verna