Serendipity

So, my weekend started with a great morning running errands with John.  He had some work to do at Athene and I went grocery shopping.  Before he was ready to be picked up, I thought I would stop and use Isabelle's Starbucks gift card I had gotten for Christmas.  I got into the drive though line to wait.  I watched the young couple (in their older style mini-van) in front of me place their order, mulling over the menu intently.  No problem, I was in no rush.  John wasn't ready to be picked up, and despite the cold, it was a bright and sunny day.  As, they moved forward, I had decided that I would keep my order to a minimum.  I wanted to make this gift go as far as possible and so I ordered a tall Caramel Machiotto~$3.90.  Very proud of myself.  My order placed, I moved forward to the pay window.  As, I was handing the nice lady Isabelle's gift card, she leaned out the window and kindly said, "the people in front of paid for your beverage."  Wow, how nice!  Before I was able to even respond she said, "would you like to keep it going...." Well, how could I say no.  I would look like a miser.  "Of, course! Sure." Watching as my card slide through the card reader.  "UM, how much is their bill?. Just wondering."  As, I look in my rear-view mirror and see the Infinity QX80. Remembering I'm sitting in my 2009 Murano w/ cracked front window, dented front bumper and a gas gauge that doesn't work. "$8.96," she said.  What? So, much for conserving my gift. So, much for being frugal today.  She handed me my coffee and card back and sweetly said, "you have 6 dollars and 4 cents left on your card."  I said thank you and drove away, feeling very uncharitable.  This feeling lingered for quite a while.  Sunday morning was uneventful.  I ushered at church and John, Isabelle and I went to lunch in Valley Junction.  Lutheran Church of Hope has a yearly food drive for the food pantries of central Iowa and we wanted to pick some thing up to donate.  John and I went to Hy-Vee to get our donations. When we finished gathering the peanut butter and diapers, we walked through the stationary section.  Just as we were out of that section and heading toward the registers, John said, "when we are 80 years old, we should come up to the store and go to the greeting card section and pick out cards and give them to each other right then, and then put them back." I smiled. Then I said, "let's do that now."  He hesitated, said something like we've got stuff to do...I pushed the issue and then we headed back to where we came from.  We combed the cards he in the wife section, me in the husband, just to find the right card.  The images above are the cards we picked out for each other.  Read closely....they are essentially the same card only "wife/husband" changed.  We laughed and realized we really don't need to buy cards for each other after 31 yrs of marriage.  I did say I would still take diamonds though.  Isabelle and I took sometime to shop a bit on Sunday afternoon.  We drove up to Ankeny, to drop off a small gift to Anna and Jessica for Valentine's Day.  On the way home we stopped to get gas, for the a fore said Murano.  Now, the nice thing about shopping at our local Hy-Vee stores is they give cents off of gas for buying certain products at their stores by using your "Perks" card.  Please take a look at the pic above and you will get a chuckle, as you realize I only paid $1.68 to fill my gas tank, using my Hy-Vee gas card.  As, we drove away in amazement and a light-hearted feeling, Isabelle softly said, "well, you got paid back from your coffee drive through yesterday."  We smiled and headed home. 

Living in Des Moines

We moved to Des Moines 18 mo ago.  A cold winter day, after 20 years in a small town we moved to the city.  Never a day goes by that we regret this decision.  Every opportunity I have I walk/jog around Gray's Lake and I'm amazed at the diversity.  I know Iowa is very "white", but Des Moines is not. It is refreshing to head over there on a beautiful day and see families of all backgrounds enjoying the day, as well.  The medical worker taking a walk, still in her scrubs.  Her colleagues up ahead visiting as they walk.  One dark skinned the other not.  The young couple, too.  I'm sure they knew they needed to take baby out on this beautiful day and use the stroller that they bought when they found out they were expecting.  Daddy pushing, admiring this beautiful child.   Iowa is known for it's welcoming spirit and over the years has open homes and communities to refugees of all kinds. The Iowa International Center website has a great PPT by John Wilkens that overviews this issue- http://iowainternationalcenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/John-Wilkens-powerpoint.pdf.  I love it here and never miss an opportunity to try to convince friends and family alike to join us in moving to this great place.  Not only am I reminded of what a great place Des Moines is by my walks around Gray's Lake, I see it by it's booming economy and great cultural and entertainment spaces. John and I love that we can head up to Jasper Winery on any Thursday evening in the summer and enjoy a concert on the lawn or have several choices of lovely, welcoming restaurant patio's within close proximity to our neighborbood.  In a recent National Journal article @ http://www.nationaljournal.com/next-america/population-2043/do-the-most-hipster-thing-possible-move-to-des-moines-20141016, it was said "Des Moines is a large living room. There's this homey feel....."  The author also mentioned "there's a T-shirt shop and community staple in East Village called Raygun. It's cushioned between foodie restaurants and basement bars, and provides ironic wear for the otherwise earnest customers who frequent the neighborhood. One of their most popular shirt designs is a perfect expression of the ambition and slight exasperation of the locals here: "Des Moines, Iowa: Let us exceed your already low expectations." I love it!!! Please join us in doing the same.  And if you can't move here, that's ok.  Just take time to come visit and if you do, take a walk around Gray's Lake, I hope you get the same wonderful feelings I do.

Christmas 2014

December, 2014

Greetings,

This has been an eventful year for our family, so hence the update.  On December 13th, 2013 we made our way to Des Moines to start a new chapter in our life.  Both John and I work in West Des Moines and decided that we were ready for city life.  We bought a home in the older neighborhood of SW Des Moines, “West of Fleur” and love it.  I’ve thought about starting a food and activity blog, just to share what a great city Des Moines is and how much we are enjoying it.  John is working as an IT consultant at Athene and I am a utilization review nurse at Telligen.  John finished up his MBA from Iowa in May, after 6 years, and immediately took a volunteer position as head coach for the East High School 7th grade football team, finishing the season 5-1.  I as well, passed my Chronic Care Professional exam in November.  This certification and knowledge is beneficial for healthcare professionals due to the changing health care environment, and needs of our elderly populations. Isabelle is finishing up her senior year at Luther College and will be receiving her Bachelor of Arts in Nursing, December 2015.  Anna completed her prerequisites for the dental hygiene program at DMACC and is working at Bondurant Family Dentistry, waiting for an opening in the program.  Colby, Anna’s boyfriend, lived with us on and off over the year while he started the apprenticeship program at Missouri Valley Electric Cooperative and remodeled a home he bought in Ankeny. It’s beautiful, and Anna has done great job helping decorate it. Jessica is a corporate trainer with Nationwide Insurance in Des Moines and she married Chris Schreier on September 27th.  They live in Ankeny, too.  It was a beautiful day. So, thankful for them!  They are a great couple with a great future. Chris is a business analyst at Nationwide and will finish his Master’s in Business Leadership from Grandview University in the spring. We attend Lutheran Church of Hope.  It is said to be…. “one church, many locations,” and we have attended both the West Des Moines campus and the Downtown Des Moines campus.  We will be starting a small group in January with 2 other couples we met this fall while taking the Alpha course offered there.  After 30 years of marriage, there is one thing we can look back on and know for sure… God has blessed us and we are humbled by his grace.  It hasn’t always been easy, but it has been worth it.  Merry Christmas!

Who is in your boat?

John said it was the best sermon he's ever heard.  Mike Householder's message today @ Lutheran Church of Hope.  The passage was from Mark 4.  Jesus is a sleep in the back of a boat in the midst of a storm.  His fellow sailors are fearful and ask, beg, him for his help.  Three words changed their perspective on who God is. "Peace, be still." In that instant those men realized who was in their boat.  He wasn't in an obscure temple, or in heaven as they thought "God" should be, but he was in their humble boat helping them in their daily life.  God is in our boat.  No matter what it is that is causing you to fear, remember that Christ is in your boat. - http://www.hopedesmoines.org/

Good Morning, Saturday! It is a beautiful day and I'm heading for a walk.  But before I do I need to get something off my mind.  In light of the past month's troublesome political climate, I had a thought; not necessarily unique, but a thought just the same.  Why is it that we demonize those we disagree with?  I'm not an innocent.  It is a struggle that I had for many years.  That being said, I am watching the media, activists and political  pundits trash conservatives, not on general disagreements of policy or principle, but by name calling.  Not by normal debate conversations about differing world views, but of divisiveness.  If you examine my early adult life you would see a young woman who was on most topics obdurate, inflexible, uncompromising, disapproving and hypercritical.  Those attributes drove me away from relationships that would have brought joy to my life and maybe to theirs.  Most importantly, I believe, darkened my heart to the voice of God. I thought at the time it was the "right" way to live...a "godly" life style. My way or the hell-way ;). Please understand that I am still a believer in concrete right and wrong.  A follower of Christ.  A supporter of conservative principles.  Adherent to the individual spirit.  But, in a more personal and humble way.  Activism has it's place, but the question is when? I'm still struggling with this question myself.  Now, back to my original thought....civility among those we disagree with.  Ted Cruz no more an evil man disguised as a United States Senator as Barak Obama is an evil man posing as President of the United States.  They are men created in the image of God trying to do the best they can to follow their personal beliefs and world views using the platform that they have been blessed with.  Stop calling them names and dismissing them just because you disagree with them.  As for me activism has reared it's ugly head and I don't like it.
Have a great day!

I spent today with my beautiful daughters and my wonderful husband.  It was a perfect fall day....almost too warm, but the sun was soothing.  It was a day spent tailgating, meeting new people and high-fiving each other (and those around us :).  When we said our goodbye's and all the girls were on there way back to their destinations, I had some time to reflect.  I logged on to my computer and did some soul searching.  Why was I so convinced that "my guy"...they man I wanted to be president, was going to win this year's presidential election?  I read some articles.  Some from conservative sources some from friends, not conservative, and kind enough to stick it to the me, the person who believes in a "Fantasyland Party... an isolated and gated community impervious to any intrusions of reality from the “real America” it solipsistically claims to represent." Ouch... love you, too.  After reading several articles, watching apologetics from Karl Rove, Scott Rasmussen and Frank Luntz and taking a long bubble bath, I realized I had to admit it.  As difficult as it is I have to admit it.  I drank the kool-aid. Yes, my strong belief in a more traditional country with its individual spirit, limited government, and personal responsibility and desire to have someone as president who will govern with those solemn principles got me to follow a line of thought that was greatly flawed. So, what now?  Reflection?  Such a cliche. Blame? Petty. Conversion? Not likely. But, I do know one thing I can do to make sure this doesn't happen again.  Refocus spiritually, socially, familially, and communally.  It has been a long political season. I need a rest.  It's time for a sabbatical. It starts tomorrow....right after we watch the morning news.

I began a new career this week. I am working as a review coordinator @ Telligen, formerly know as Iowa Foundation for Medical Care.  After months of searching for a job that I believed would fit into my life, I was offered this position (Thank You, Cheri). It is a job unlike I have ever had.  I have worked crazy shifts, crazy jobs w/ lots of crazy people.  There may be crazy people here...I haven't met any yet.  It doesn't matter. I have a "normal" job.  The 9-6 normal job. No weekends, No holidays, NO NIGHTS!!! Do you want to get together the second weekend in August? OK, I've got it off!  How about dinner Friday night? Sure, I'm off. I know that sounds shallow and petty.  I am really looking forward to both learning a new genre in nursing/healthcare but also to have a similar schedule as my husband.  Is that so silly?  I hope not, because I have been is such a good mood since I got this job.  I hope it continues. 

In 2004 Barak Obama united the world with a wonderful speech at the Democratic Convention.  I watched live at that time and thought this man is going to be president one day.  The following are excerpts from his speech....
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal... that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That is the true genius of America. Now even as we speak, there are those who are preparing to divide us, the spin masters and negative ad peddlers who embrace the politics of anything goes. Well, I say to them tonight, there's not a liberal America and a conservative America; there's the United States of America. There's not a black America and white America and Latino America and Asian America; there's the United States of America... the pundits like to slice and dice our country into red states and blue States: red states for Republicans, blue States for Democrats. But I've got news for them, too. We worship an awesome God in the blue states, and we don't like federal agents poking around our libraries in the red states."
Who is dividing us, now?  Who peddles negativity? Who is embracing the politics of anything goes in this election?
Ever since his election victory President Obama has divided rich and poor with his policies and his rhetoric.... “We can either settle for a country where a shrinking number of people do really well, while a growing number of Americans barely get by,” the president warned, “or we can restore an economy where everyone gets a fair shot and everyone does their fair share.”  According to a earnings chart @ the Heritage Foundation (http://www.heritage.org/federalbudget/top10-percent-income-earners) the top 10% of earners pay 71% of federal income taxes. I'm OK with rich people being in our society. They pay most of the taxes and reminds me that there still is the opportunity to be rich. He has divided black and white over the course of his presidency. The issue with Henry Gates the professor @ Harvard, who refused to show his I.D. when police found him breaking into his own house because he was locked out.  Obama made a flippant statement about how the "police acted stupidly" without even knowing all of the facts.  He stated later he "regretted" his comment.  His justice department refused to press charges against the New Black Panthers in a case where they obviously, intimidated voters coming to a polling station, choosing to narrow charges in one account and dismissing the other.  On April 26, 2010 in a web video he called out blacks and Hispanics to vote for him. What happened to the "There's not a black America and white America and Latino America and Asian America; there's the United States of America.." sentiment?  Recently, he fueled a made-up "war against women" campaign started by George Stephanopoulos in January, by inappropriately calling a 30 year old women, perfectly capable of taking care of herself and her birth control, apologizing for stupid comments made by another man.  Why is our president making these kind of phone calls anyway?  Syria, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, a national debt of almost 16 trillion and our president is making a phone call to a woman about getting her feelings hurt. A divisive action.  Pitting women against each other, the church and men. Very sad.  Now today.  He is on a bribery tour heading to NC, Iowa and Colorado trying to get college students to vote for him by telling them that the big, bad republicans are going to increase the interest rate on the student loans they hold, when in reality it was the democrats that voted in 2007 to allow the rate increase to take place this year.  I want to believe that women, students, Hispanics and blacks are not so easily duped.  Please, think for yourselves and don't be sucked in by political rhetoric.

I posted, on Friday, a link for Northpoint Church.  I takes you directly to the site for the series "Christian" and immediately starts the video on part 1.  The message I referenced in my blog entry was part 5 "When Gracie Met Truthy."  So, if you take the time to follow the link and NOT click #5, you will get a great message, but it won't make any sense to my blog entry on Friday.  Just wanted to let you know.

A couple of weeks ago I was telling a friend about the preacher Charles Stanley.  She said, "that name sounds familiar, but I don't think his name is Charles."  Well of course I have my 1 year Bible degree, so I know my preachers.  As, we continued talking she said she thought the name she was thinking was 'Andy.'  Well, she was right Andy Stanley is the son of Charles Stanley, and he is also a preacher. The interesting thing about this seemingly boring story is that, that conversation got me listening to Andy Stanley's messages while I walk/jogged.  I started listening to his most recent series "Christians." Over Easter weekend my daughter mentioned Jefferson Bethke a young believer with a bit of a different ministry than Andy.  She said she thought some of the statements he made about Christianity were judged to be a bit over-the-top by some people and it turned them off.  Well, that caused me to make a flippant comment about how I think that Jesus was young and immature (radical, quick to respond, not cautious about what he said or did) concerning his ministry, too; and that we can't deny the fact that there are inconsistencies in his ministry and in the Christian faith.  My mom, husband and daughter accused my of blasphemy.  There was more to it than that, and I can see how in my inability to explain exactly what I meant, I may have sounded like I was dissing Christ, but really I wasn't. Now back to Andy Stanley. Today, during my run, I downloaded the next message in the series and listened to it.  The title of this message is called "When Gracie met Truthy."  It completely explained what I was trying to say day to my family about my faith.  I love how God reveals himself to us in the most subtle ways.  I may not have been able to explain exactly what I was thinking, but this message does.  Please take time to download it and listen to it on your drive to work or while you are making supper or whenever you can.  No matter what your faith walk is, I really think you will get something from this.
http://www.northpoint.org/messages/christian

What is fair?

President Obama please answer me.  What is fair?  You spend a lot of your time talking about fairness and why "the rich" should pay their "fair share." It seems juvenile.  Every time I hear you speaking about this, I can't help but feel like I'm back in junior high with all of it's pettiness and selfishness.  You appeal to the more negative instincts of human nature.  You are generating an election base focused on those attributes that I grew up being taught and believed were wrong; selfishness, envy, jealousy, and stealing.  They also are characteristics I taught my own children to avoid.  Instead I encouraged hard work, appreciation for success, patience, the value of education, to realize not everyone gets what they deserve, and some get, but don't deserve; the characteristics to deal with this fact and that life isn't fair; move on.  So, back to my question.  What is fair? Is it fair that a wife is losing her wonderful, hard-working, handsome husband of 30 years to cancer?  Is it fair that some children die in accidents and some live? How about when millions of people run out and buy lottery tickets hoping to cash in on the 600 million dollar pay out, only to lose; is that fair? It is disheartening to me to see my president base his entire re-election campaign on such triviality.  I believe it is not only damaging to our country as a whole, but also the relationships we try to form through daily life.  Promoting an attitude of rich against poor only gives permission to others to form barriers, walls and anger because they feel things aren't "fair." We should focus on the kinds of values and characteristics that uplift, encourage and make us better people.

I know most of you know what my religious and personal views are on most things.  And I would hope that even though my friends would characterize me as opinionated, I do a good job of moderating myself...I hope.  I post many different opinions, although, most are conservative, I have admiration and interest that span many opinions.  With all that being said....Please allow me this one personal rant, not just a post or tweet.  I am an American Idol fan. I have become relatively fond of all of the judges, faults and all.  We all have our own journey in life and far be it from me to say that I am doing it all right compared to others, but I do believe in trying to live life w/ discernment, personal judgement, self-control, discipline...yada, yada, yada.  As, I said I'm not perfect, so those of you who have seen me not exhibiting those characteristics...keep quiet.  The point is overt sensuality, immorality and hedonism displayed as mainstream, is disturbing. I am referring to Jennifer Lopez's new "dance" video. The video is bad enough, but the fact that Jennifer defends it by saying "It's fun and dancy and full of joy. It's a good video. I can't wait for you all the see it! Enjoy it, enjoy the song, it's very close to my heart. It has a great message, and I hope everybody likes it" is sad.  I would be much happier if everyone would just be honest and say..."yes, it is a video depicting an orgy, and promoting "whatever feels good do it" and we have no problem promoting it to 12 year old girls.  Instead, Idol and Jennifer treat us like we are stupid to actually believe there is some sort of a higher message in this video.  By the way...what is the message to Dance Again?  Is it I can finally have sex again.  What was stopping her before?  Is it I can have sex with lots of people if I want?  Ok, if J Lo's worldview allows her to do that then what has stopped her before?  Is it that she can finally really dance again after not being able to before?  If that is the case what is the meaning of the naked people groping each other? Lastly, I was searching for a Bible scripture this morning to share with a good friend whose husband is passing and in doing that I came across this writing that fits in well with my post, I Peter 4- "Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin. As a result, they do not live the rest of their earthly lives for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God.  For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry...."  The alternative lifestyle is provided, as well-"Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms..." Thank you for letting me wax eloquent (or not so much).  And please pray for the Clark family :)

Indira Gandhi was murdered by people who disagreed with her; Aung San Suu Kyi was imprisoned for over 20 years for opposing her government in Burma; Harriet Tubman risked her life rescuing slaves after she herself had been freed, Rosa Parks stood up to ignorant men and refused to give her seat for a white person. Ms. Parks actions became an important symbol of the modern Civil Rights Movement. For Mrs. Clinton to compare a 30 year old, who by the standards of the world, wealthy, health and quite capable to care for herself to these great women is an insult to women's causes and women in general. And for feminists to be silent about this issue is sick. Ms. Fluke will graduate from Georgetown University and will have no problem getting a lucrative position most anywhere she desires. For Ms. Fluke to complain and campaign about not getting her birth control paid for is a sad waste of her time and intelligence. Whether or not you agree with the Catholic Church's beliefs on contraception is beside the point. I do not, but I also don't think they should be forced to go against their doctrinal beliefs. Just as I do not believe that Muslim organizations should be forced by governmental policies to provide pork at their cafeteria just because I would like a tenderloin. Lastly, for Mrs. Clinton to imply that those who disagree are "extremists targeting the poor Ms. Fluke" is simply wrong. We have better things to focus on Mrs. Clinton.

Don't Abdicate

By Verna Christopher

A couple of years ago I was on the stair climber at the YMCA when I struck up a conversation with a young mom. We got to talking about our kids, when she started to get animated about how “they” want him to go on Ritalin. After a couple of more references to “they” I asked her who “they” was. She was hesitant, and then answered…you know, the school. I guess I did know who she was talking about, but I really wanted her to think about what she was saying. And then just last night….a similar conversation began. It was at my home at a party I was having for some of my friends. The conversation was a typical one for moms in there 40’s. Children growing up and the choices they make. How we can deal with them and so on. One of my good friends, whose daughter is also a good friend of my daughter, began telling of an incident at the doctor’s office that week. She was quite upset when she took her 17 year old daughter to have her physical. My friend was asked to stay behind, while they went over the questionnaire and ensuing insurance information. When she questioned this, with tears in her eyes, she was told there were HIPAA laws that the office had to follow. Intermingled with all of this was a small reference to a waiver her daughter (and anyone’s daughter) could sign to allow her mother to join her in the exam room. So, you may be saying what right is it of the mother to impose herself on her daughter? I would answer, who is paying for the services? Who has spent the majority of her life focused on her daughters well being? Who has the best interest in and for her daughter? Who is going to give the most time and energy out of her life if, God forbid, her daughter is or does get pregnant or an STD? Do you not think this young well adjusted child would want her mother there while she is in such a vulnerable situation? And even if she says she doesn’t….SHE IS ONLY 17!!!! Why is it that we have somehow, abdicated this huge part of our lives to doctors and our government? What happened? So, that is my point. Stop abdicating. Stop giving up the responsibility of raising our children to “them.” Work hard at parenting. It is easy to become a parent, but very difficult to be a good one. In reference to the young mom at the YMCA, I have a daughter and she had an IEP (Individual Education Plan) most of her public school career. She had a very difficult time reading, which of course slowed her learning down, significantly. We were told many times that maybe oral stimulants (methamphetamines) may help her and that we should go get her “evaluated.” Let me step back a bit. When IEP meetings were scheduled, my husband and I (the parents of the child in which the IEP was being written) put together a meeting outline prior to the meeting and made copies for all of those who were scheduled to attend the meeting. Put this into perspective. The very influential public school advisers, along with the AEA, other staff members, and then me and John were to attend the meeting. Do you think that most parents would have the wherewithal to state their personal parental choice for their child if all of these educated, smart, seemingly caring people were pushing to another decision? But, I regress, back to the outline. You can’t imagine the startled looks the first few meeting we attended. It really took the administrator and others by surprise. Some of those in attendance appreciated the input and control we were taking. But, it was obvious that some were put off. How dare we try to make the decisions for our daughter? Didn’t we know they were the professionals? This may seem a big leap, but think a bout this. How is it that Stalin, Jong-il, Hitler, Lenin, Mussolini, Mau, Che, Chavez, Castro….and many more dictators got so powerful? According to Shanna Freeman, in an article she wrote called “How Dictators Work”, she states “Many of these dictators foster cults of personality, a form of hero worship in which the masses are fed propaganda declaring their leader to be flawless.” What is your opinion of State and Federal government and the organizations that they run, ie public schools, big labor, IRS, the list goes on? Even if you wouldn’t say they are “flawless,” do you realize they try to influence the masses by forms of propaganda? If these government entities don’t have followers/tax payers they cease to exist. You may be saying, well what about big business and the advertising they use as propaganda? It’s true, business use advertising as propaganda. The difference is society have choices when it comes to business and product in the private sector. Don’t buy it! Don’t go there! Don’t watch it! What choice does government offer us in education, taxes, retirement funding and even defense? We are abdicating our responsibility to State and Federal governments and not even thinking twice about it. This is where the grass root of dictatorship begins. Please bear with me as I finish up my story about the mom at the YMCA and my friend on the porch. I reminded her that she was the parent. And if she didn’t want to put her child on Ritalin, she didn’t have to. She looked surprised. “But, what about ‘them,” She said. “So what about them; you are the parent.” I’m not a big advocate against using medication in regard to children, but it has to be the parents that make that decision even if they are not as educated or as smart as the professionals. If the school and teacher can’t deal with the child with attention issues then the parents should have other choices in this regard. Sadly, they don’t. But that doesn’t mean we give up our responsibilities of being a parent. As for my friend and the doctor visit; when I took my daughters to their appointments, the office staff handed me and my daughter a piece of paper and asked her to sign it, telling us it would allow me to come in the exam room with her and that if needed I could call and talk to the doctor about her health care. Who better than me to help out? I love my daughters and only want the best for them. I’m not a busybody calling the doctor every week to find out whether or not my girls have come in to see her/him. But, I have called to order antibiotics, get help when they haven’t felt well at college/school and other normal mom stuff. By not abdicating means we are totally responsible and let me tell you its hard work. We never gave into the idea of sending our daughter into special Ed. classes. We never put her on amphetamines. We spent tons of time with her helping with homework. Evenings were not relaxing. Our other daughters didn’t get as much of our time, as they deserved. And most of all we have the contentment of knowing we did what was right.

Change is Coming

Ok, I realized this last month that I am well on my way to an empty nest. I have launched my second daughter into higher education, leaving me with one at home. Let me tell you; it comes like a bat out of hell, like greased lightening, like a blue streak. I don’t like it. Don’t get me wrong. My beautiful, lovely, independent, daughter’s are prepared and ready to fly. It is me who is having a hard time with it all.

Growing up in the 70’s in a “working family,” I fully understood my parent’s expectation of me. Get a job; get married. The idea of going to college was a somewhere-out-there concept that was for other people, not me. The high school I attended was one of the largest high school campuses in the U.S., Plymouth/Canton High School in Michigan. At the time, the campus housed two High Schools; Salem and Canton. It now has built a third building and boasts to be the second largest high school campus in the States.

I did not thrive in this environment and did not have the academic ground work or ambition to pursue anything more than what was expected of me. I’m not having a pity-party. I did exactly what I wanted. I got married and had a family. Like most little girls I dreamed of the day when I would have children. I chose names for them; I imagined what they would look like and how they would act. Just like me, only better, I was sure. I saw families together and romanticized about what my little family would look like and what kind of mother I would be.

So, naturally when that day came, I put my whole heart into this little life. There was no turning back. She was going to get all of me. She became my ambition, my full time job. I have never regretted it. Obviously, when two more children were added to the equation, priorities changed and life got a bit more hectic and routine. But, I still wanted my girls to know that their lives were going to be better than mine and that the reason I was putting so much of my focus into their lives was because I had higher expectations of them than my parents had of me. I couldn’t parent any other way. This isn’t to say that everyone has to mother the way I have; I just couldn’t have done it any other way and be content.

I tried working full-time when the girls were little, once. It was a disaster. Life lesson # 1; don’t let parenting experts or society's expectations dictate what you ought to do. It was important for me to accept the fact that I wanted to stay home, and not feel the pressure to “do it all.” In the end I came to realize that I really didn’t have it in me to do it all, and I really didn’t want to, and that was alright.

As the girls got older and started developing interests of their own, my husband and I became busy with attending dance recitals, PTA meetings, helping with school carnivals, fundraising and athletic events. Really, this is just a very short list of activities and events I have poured my heart into over the years…really. I know this isn’t novel. Most parents engage in their children’s lives this way. The point is this; it takes time out of your life to raise happy, healthy, ambitions and responsible children.

This is what I tell my daughters. I tell them that my hope for them is by the time the are 25 they are spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially healthy. This doesn’t mean they have to be out of debt, fully self-actualized, and never needing anything, it just means by giving them “permission” to take time now to figure out life, provides them with the ground work they need for a successful future.

So, back to my dilemma. I am well on my way to an empty nest. I’m trying to embrace this thought. I think my husband has embraced, grabbed, pulled, clutched, seized….and ran with the idea already. I am lagging behind. What am I going to do with my time? No more vocal concerts and recitals. Jessica, my oldest, with her beautiful voice has been providing this activity for years. Even up through her freshman year in college we were attending concerts at the University of Northern Iowa to see her sing. And, Isabelle has followed her big sister, into choir and high school musicals. For 15 years I have been attending some sort of athletic event. Anna played soccer for 13 years, volleyball for 6 and ran track for 2. Isabelle, too, has kept the volleyball bug alive in our home, as well as playing varsity tennis. So, I ask again, what am I going to do? Believe it or not I began working full-time this year, so that will take up some of my empty nest time. I just read in the paper about a crochet class that is being held at the Centre for Arts and Artists. Maybe I’ll try that. If you have other ideas please let me know because my husband and daughter are beginning to get annoyed at me. I’ve even lowered myself to bribing Isabelle with a new suped-up apartment in the basement if she promises to stay and live at home. Not surprisingly she has refused.

Verna Christopher

verna@pcpartner.net

The core values and principles of the 9/12 Project

The Nine Principles
1. America is good.
2. I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life.
3. I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday.
4. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government.
5. If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.
6. I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results.
7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable.
8. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion.
9. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me.

The Twelve Values
1-Honesty
2-Reverence
3-Hope
4-Thrift
5-Humility
6-Charity
7-Sincerity 8-Moderation
9-Hard Work
10-Courage
11-Personal Responsibility
12-Gratitude

9/12 Project

Glenn Beck has been featuring mom's on his show the last week. Women from all walks of life, who consider being a mom the most important job they have. They are concerned with their children's future (as am I). These women have blogs, websites and are organizing for the 9/12 Project and local Tea Parties. Let's help out! Follow these links for more info....

http://www.the912project.com/

http://asamom.ning.com/

With the economy in such a mess, I thought a little factual information might be nice. The rich aren't all greedy.

Busy Week

Just a quick hello to my blog and the 3 people that have looked at it. This has been a busy week. We did get exciting news; Jessica received confirmation that she has been accepted to university in England to study abroad next semester... that was pretty exciting, although we were confident that she would be able to go. Isabelle had a choir concert Tuesday night and Anna has babysat three days after school. More on Sunday, after weekend activities.

Warmly,
Verna

Sunday

Most Sunday's we are all home for most of the day (except for Jessica :( ). But we talk to her. I teach SS. We usually go to church and then we hang around regrouping for the coming week. The girls do homework; John takes Anna out for breakfast/lunch/supper. Whatever they agree on. He did this with Jessica her senior year. This "date" is something John thought of when Jessica was a senior. It reveals John's great character and love for his daughters. He is a great dad. Also, on Sunday's we take time to catch up on the news, by watching Fox News and sometimes 60 minutes. We've made it a sometime tradition to watch a movie with the girls. I say sometime because it doesn't always work, but tonight we are going to watch Get Smart. Then, Isabelle and I like to watch "The Amazing Race." I think we fantasize about going on the race someday and winning. Oh, by the way, Quantum of Solace was great!!!!! And, I ran my 5k in 37 minutes. Not bad.

Happy Sunday,

Verna